Stress sucks.

i'm this close to losing my shit

I really don’t deal well with stress. I don’t have any well rounded coping mechanism to help me deal. Generally when I face stressful situations or challenges in life I run away. I’m NOT great with confrontation. I am not great with discussing the real issue of my stress. I just run. I want to go and hide and over think all the things and turn my stomach in to a knot, because that’s the only “coping mechanism” I have.

Since the end of the last year I’ve felt overly stressed and anxious. How things are going in my life is probably a walk in the park to some people, and I know there are much bigger things to fret about but in my little World this is how it is.

Before Christmas I fell and dislocated my hand… well they thought I dislocated it. 15 hours at the hospital later and I was sent home with a dodgy ass cast and a thumb that could win ANY thumb wars!

Before and After - Akka the Fonz (I could travel to London with the size of those bags under my eyes!)

                                              Before and After – Akka the Fonz

That sucked.

The thought of surgery sucked (I didn’t need surgery FYI – I got my cast off 10 days later but I still can’t do any body weight exercises without it hurting).

More than that though, I missed some finals days at work before our shut down and I needed those vital days to have things all prepared for when we came back after Christmas. So I spent most of my Christmas holiday worrying about what was left for me when I returned.

For the last 2 months I have been a ball of stress. Coming back from our work break and being full on for this whole time just makes me feel physically ill. I couldn’t find ANY motivation to do extra exercise. I had to take leave from derby training as I was working late hours and didn’t need the added stress of trying to make attendance. I was eating crap and feeling crap and then BAM! I put on 5kg and now feel the worse I’ve felt in a long time.

Life isn’t about having a smooth run of things is it? So why do I see so many people that “have it together”. Is that them just being awesome at bluffing and making everything on the outside look ok when it’s not? I’m not that type of person. When I’m struggling, you can tell. You can see it and feel it in my language and outwards appearance (eg: I look like shit!)

I don’t have a point to this post. I just thought it might be cathartic to purge some of this negativity and to alleviate the weight I’m feeling on my shoulders.

If you have any tips or tricks about dealing with stress, I would love to read about them in the comments below! x

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